Study asks who's playing 'hard-to-get' and who's attracted by the ploy


Date:
June 30, 2020
Source:
University of Kansas
Summary:
New research looks at the psychological underpinnings of making
yourself seem more desirable by withholding obvious signs of
romantic interest.



FULL STORY ========================================================================== Playing "hard-to-get" is an age-old gambit for dating and mating, familiar
to moviegoers, readers of literature and any admirer who's ever been
"left on read."

========================================================================== Research just published in the peer-reviewed journal Personality and
Individual Differences looks at the psychological underpinnings of
making yourself seem more desirable by withholding obvious signs of
romantic interest.

"If you think about things like 'breadcrumbing' or 'benching' -- you're
letting people think you're interested in them, then pulling away or
keeping things as they are without moving the relationship forward,"
said Omri Gillath, professor of psychology at the University of Kansas,
who co-wrote the paper. "You're not escalating or de-escalating the
effort. For instance, you're sitting there and playing with your phone -- phubbing -- not paying full attention to the other person and making them struggle to get your attention. It's sending a double message. On the
one hand, you're saying you're interested. But on the other hand you're
saying, 'You'll have to work hard to actually get my full attention.'"
Gillath and Jeffery Bowen of Johns Hopkins University looked to discover
the associations among romantic aloofness, gender and "attachment style,"
the psychological term for people's way of thinking, feeling and behaving
in close relationships.

Attachment style, usually formed in childhood, falls into the primary categories of secure or insecure (people with an insecure attachment style
are usually classified as anxious or avoidant). Overall, the researchers
found that women and people with insecure attachment styles tended to
play hard-to-get more.

"Hard-to-get behaviors seem to serve as strategies to self-protect
and manage potential partners' behaviors," Gillath said. "Women,
as we expected, are playing hard-to-get more, and men are pursuing
them. Avoidant people tend to be playing hard-to-get, and anxious people
are pursuing them. The nice thing is it's compatible. If you're secure
about yourself and about others loving you, you're less likely to get
involved in such game-playing -- and you're not playing hard-to-get or
pursuing people that are playing hard-to-get. But if you're insecure
you're more likely to use these strategies, playing and pursuing, and
it's serving a role for both sides." Across four studies involving over
900 participants, the authors examined links between attachment style
and hard-to-get strategies. Among their findings:
* Attachment style predicts and shapes hard-to-get behavior,
particularly
among insecurely attached individuals.

* People higher on attachment avoidance and women (vs. men) reported
playing hard-to-get more.

* People higher on attachment anxiety and men (vs. women) reported
more
pursuing of hard-to-get others.

* When researchers nudged (or primed) thoughts of attachment
insecurity,
they found primed avoidance led to a greater likelihood of playing
hard- to-get among avoidant heterosexual men. Primed anxiety led to
greater reported likelihood of pursuing hard-to-get targets overall.

* While many people might be using these strategies (playing and
pursuing),
their reasons for doing so might be different (control,
self-protection, partner selection, etc.)


========================================================================== According to the authors, their study sheds light on how people with
avoidant and anxious attachment styles manage their psychological vulnerabilities. Put another way, our behavior in trying to find mates
and partners is rooted in early life experiences.

For people with insecure attachment styles, Gillath said playing
hard-to-get, or chasing an aloof potential mate, are efficient approaches
for securing intimacy, romantic relationships and sex.

"We're not saying it's good or it's bad, but for some people
these strategies are working," he said. "It helps people create
relationships and get partners they want. But who's doing it and
what are the outcomes? These people are usually insecure people --
and their relationships are often ones that won't last long or will
be dissatisfying." For other people, playing hard-to-get is less a
romantic strategy and more of a survival instinct.

"Sometimes, it's not so much about the relationship but about helping
people to stay in control," Gillath said. "Some people are behaving
in such a way because they're terrified. They can't trust anyone --
and they're doing whatever they can to protect themselves from getting
hurt again. So, for them, it's not 'playing.' This is not a game for
them but a way to protect themselves and to verify people out there are
serious and are going to be reliable mates." The KU researcher said
"playing hard-to-get" is one aspect of the psychological power dynamics
that define many human relationships, whether they're romantic or not.

"Any relationship where we have two sides involved is going to have
some push and pull," Gillath said. "There are relationships where one
side wants it more and the other side wants it less. The side that is
less invested has more power. If you really need my friendship and I have
other friends, I'm going to have more power and control in the friendship
and could potentially play hard- to-get. The person who's more desperate
is likely to have less control and less power and likely to pursue more."

========================================================================== Story Source: Materials provided by University_of_Kansas. Note: Content
may be edited for style and length.


========================================================================== Journal Reference:
1. Jeffrey D. Bowen, Omri Gillath. Who plays hard-to-get and who
finds it
attractive? Investigating the role of attachment style. Personality
and Individual Differences, 2020; 162: 109997 DOI:
10.1016/j.paid.2020.109997 ==========================================================================

Link to news story: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/06/200630125140.htm

--- up 23 weeks, 2 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (1337:3/111)